my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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