1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
