I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
