So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
