I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
