What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
