Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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