Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize