Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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