How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
