Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
