Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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