What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
