Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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