dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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