I wish my penis had an off switch
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
