we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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