have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
