Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
