he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
