but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
