i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
