Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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