so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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