Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
