There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
