im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
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