Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
