I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
