it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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