dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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