You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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