I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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