i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
