I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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