i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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