What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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