he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
