i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
