Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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