I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
