I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I will pee on everything he values.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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