you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
