He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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