It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
