Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
