...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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