ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
