so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
