Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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