Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
