At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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