everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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