he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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