Welp...herpes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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