i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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