we're blogging at a bar
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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