i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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