Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize