you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We have started to decorate penises.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
