so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
