and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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