My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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