Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
