Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
