Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
