Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
