there's paper in my vomit.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
