She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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