OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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