these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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