Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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