I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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