two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
