Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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