Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
