update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
