Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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