i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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