guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
