So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
